Expecting The Unexpected
by denice17
Summary: Liam had always been there for Lilly but times have changed and liam can't stand the distance. It's time to make a move. Will Lilly fall too? will she be able to fall when shes been broken too many times before? can liam mend the heart of his best friend? find out in Expecting the unexpected "when youve been broken its hard to let love stay."
1. Chapter 1

Liam's POV

Harry - "hey liam what do you call a dinosaur who cant hug?...an AWKWARD dinosaur!"

"ummmmm harry, that's not funny."

Harry "yeah it is cause its like an awkward turtle but instead it is an awkward dinosaur.

"no. harry no dinosaurs can hug. Just stop."

Harry- "umm...well...ok.."

Niall jumps onto the couch with a bag of chips in hand. Zayn is in the bathroom and louis is skyping Eleanor. The boys and I had a concert last night but tonight is our last night in the states and then we go home for a couple weeks then we are spending the summer in London. Recording doing some shows here and there but mainly just trying to relax and catch up. I cant wiat I haven't seen my mum in forever. Just as im thinking this m phone does the kim possible ring tone. I only have one person set to that. And that is when she texts me. I instantly grab my phone and can feel my heart racing. I check and sure enough it is Lilly's face with a text that reads

. heyy leumm, heard youre coming home soon! Cant wait missed you loads! hurry home so we can cuddle, I need you to keep me warm on these cold London nights ;) - your best friend Lillian.

I blush and send back a quick text.

.you heard correct but I was gonna surprise you! You ruined my plan :/ guess im gonna have to beat you up and make you watch scary movies! :P love you lil bear!.

The boys see and give me a strange look. "what!"

Zayn- "umm nothing just only one person has that ringtone...and uh...you been blushing a lot lately...anything you want to tell us brother?"

"guys you know I cant keep secrets! So you all probably already know so youre just be cruel trying to get me to say it out loud."

Niall-"if you cant tell us youre never gonna be able to tell her!"

Louis- "YEH!"

Shoot, they are right. I wish they weren't but if I cant even admit it out loud to my best friends how the heck will I ever tell lilly. "well I like my best friend"

Louis chimes in as if he has no idea what im talking about -"and who exactly is this little lady that seems to have stolen the heart of our big daddy liam!"

I just chuckle lightly to myself and whisper "Lilly, her name is Lilly."

All the boys dance around the room yelling "LIAM AND LILLY LIAM AND LILY~~LIAM AND LILLY SITING IN A TREEE K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" I cover my eyes with my hand and laugh at what I hear. I think of a time when me and lilly were about 8. She was always trying to climb trees. She had gotten extremely high this time and couldn't get down, but didn't want to admit it so she told me to come up. So I did. When I got to her I could tell her voice was kind of shaky. "lil what's wrong"

"nothing liam! Why would you say that"

"well we are really high lilly! How are we gonna get down"

"I don't know liam!" her voice broke when she said my name. she then lightly whispered.. "youre the boy youre supposed to save me."

I giggled and kissed her on the cheek "don't worry ill always save you lilly! Just like woody!" then she giggled and we climbed down together. When we got to the bottom she hugged me and whispered into my ear "thanks woody!" before hitting me and running away yelling "you're it cowboy!" then I flashed to a time when we were 15. Lilly had just gotten her heart broken by her boyfriend dan. He dumped her on new years eve. Every year lilly and me would spend new years together we would drink tons of sparkling wine and we'd cook pasta and play games till midnight. then we would watch movies. But that year she was going to go out with Dan then come to my house and we would watch movies. At 830 I got a call from an unknown number. I picked it up and all I heard was crying on the other line and then someone whisper in-between sobs "liam..." I knew that voice. I grabbed my keys and jacket and ran to catch a cab phone still in hand as we drove to the bar to where she said they were going. "lilly it's gonna be ok. Im on my way just stay on the phone with me till I get there."

"ok..." all I could hear was crying so I tried to keep myself from crying by making conversation even though I knew she wouldn't engage. "so I didn't make the pasta yet. And ummm mum says hello. And I decided to shave my head." Silence on the other line. "lilly, you there.?"

I heard her inhale before very calming replying "liam, that is not even funny."

I burst out laughing "im here love" as I paid the cabby and ran to where the payphone is. I hung up and put my phone in my pocket. "come here love" I said as I wrapped her into my arms. She was shaking as she sobbed in my arms. I ran my finger through her hair, "shhh...its ok...don't cry...itll be alright."

"im sorry liam I should have listen to you he was a jerk"

"no lilly, remember im woody. Im always here to save the day!"

she chuckled and I kissed her forehead before braking the hug. "here take my jacket it's cold."

Then my mind raced to a time just before xfactor. We were hanging out at her house. And we hadn't really said much before she turned and stated "liam, don't ever leave me."

"of course, not I owuldnt dream of it baby cakes!"

"im being serious liam. Before I was the only one who knew how awesome you are, now everyone is gonna know and they are gonna all want you! Just don't forget me ok.?"

It hurt thinking of it again. How could I ever forget my lilly. "ill always be there for you Lilly. Remember im your woody and no one else can replace that."

Niall - LIAMMMM! EARTH TO LIAMMM!

"what niall why are you yelling!"

Niall - "you were just siting there for like ten minutes with this stupid grin on your face! Completely in a trance!"

'sorry I was just thinking about the old days before xfactor."

Zayn -"yeha I miss those, but I wouldn't change a thing"

Louis - "guess im stuck with you blokes!"

'hhahaha don't lie louis you know you love me!"

I see another text from lilly

.liam, this isn't gonna work, to much time apart to make up for! Skype noW! Bring th boys if you want!.

"you guys wanna skype lilly?" I ask like it's no big deal. I mean it shouldn't be they all have met her before but. I don't think I can keep this just friends thing anymore. I need to know that no one else will try to take her, and that I can call her mine.

I log onto my computer and open skype.

Ringgg... rinnng... rinnnggg...

Finnaly she answers but she isn't on the screen it is just her room. "LILLY" louis yells out.

"hii louis im here just give me a sec!" I hear her voice and instantly my heart starts to race.

I notice she is listening to music, like always, currently American secrets by Parachute is playing. I can hear her singing along and I just smile. Her voice isn't the best, but its so pure and simple. I love it. Soon she plops down onto her chair and she smiles from ear to ear as she yells "LIIIIIIIIAAAAAAMMMMMM!

my only man in the whole wide world! Who I love and haven't seen in forever! And who I miss! Oh my gawdd! Do you realize how long it has been. You suck as a best friend I haven't seen you over a year! Do you know how many times I have just sat up at night wishing you were there!" her smile is still there but a small tear rolls down her cheek. I laugh "noooo don't cry im here now. And ill be home soon!" she leans forward and kiss the screen and then wipes her eyes. I do the same as I kiss the screen. The boys laugh but I don't care.

Lilly - "soo boys what is new"

Niall- "well I found out that I enjoy cheese in a can. And I really like American accents" as he wiggles his eyebrows. Lilly just giggles and harry chimes in "yeah I like Americans too! And I heard that you like movies!"

Lilly - "umm harry everybody likes movies!"

Louis - "well then we should all hang out when we are back and have a movie day!"

A squeal escapes her lips before she exclaims "yes liam can we!?"

"I don't want to share you! Youre mine only!...ok no...you are not allowed to pull that face..no im not looking. If im not looking I cant see it!"

Lilly - "but liammm" she whinned pulling the puppy dogs eyes on me, not fair! "liamm if you love me!

I slightly open my eyes and I cant, I cant take that look its so sad. "Fine! I guess I will share my best friend in the whole wide world with you guys."

All the boys and lilly cheer and chant "movie night with lilly!"

The boys say there goodbyes and now it is just me and lilly.

We talked a little but now I can tell she is getting tired and so am i. "lilly?"

"yes liam?" she yawns.

"I cant wait to see you, ive missed you so much."

"me too liam" she is leaning against her bead and her eyes are closed and she looks so peaceful as a tear falls down. "mee too."

"go to bed lilly youre tired."

"no, can you just stay on till I fall asleep?" she sounds soo little. I just wish I was there so I could wrap her up and make everything ok. "anything you want lilly, id do it, you know that."

"love you woody" and within 10 minuites she was sleeping I closed my laptop and went to bed. I cant wait to see her. But how will I tell her.

The only reason ive lasted the past couple of months is knowing I would get to see her soon. I miss her. "I think im in love with lilly." I whisper to myself before I drift off to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Lillys POV

I woke up to my computer screen. And several text messages from my mom.

.lilly get up.

.if you don't get up now, you wont get to the airport In time.

Oh shoot the airport!

I shot up through on jeans a uni sweater and throw my hair into a braid while running down the stairs. I put on my boots and grabbed the keys. I drove as fast as I could to the airport. His flight lands in ten minutes and it is at least a twenty-minute drive. I get there about 15ish minutes. I park the car and sprint to the doors. I ram through the doors and run to the terminals as I pull out my phone. I get there and search for the text that has his flight number. I run to where I think im supposed to be going. I see people getting of the flight with luggage but the woman said that this was the last everyone else would already be done in luggage. I ran to luggage and when I got there, there was a swarm of bodies and large luggage. i stopped and stood out of breath. Trying to regain regular breathing I stand on my toes and look for his curly hair. I see harry and look near him to see if I see him but I cant. I see a boy who looks like him turn his head and realize it is him, but he has shaved his head. Oh my god I start running and shoving people out of my way. "LIAM!' I shout only once and barely loud enough with all the people around us but he hears me and tunrs. I keep running not slowing down one bit. I jump into his arms and he spins me in circles as I cry into his shoulder. He finally stops spinning me and I slide down, but still in his arms. "liam, ive missed you more than you can possible imagine." I whisper into his ear. "im here now." He whispers back. He runs his hands through my hair and whispers to me about an old lady that tried to flirt with harry and I laugh. People are swarming around us but we just stay in each others arms laughing. Finally louis brings over liam's bags and we break apart and gives me a hug. The other boy come over and we all group hug. When everyone is there and there is slightly less people around I run my hand over liams head and turn to the boys. "now who let him do this?!" the boys laugh and liam defends his new haircut "what don't you like it lilly!"

"well it looks good, don't get me wrong, but it will take some getting used too."

"haha come one lilly let's go home!"

"bye lads!"

and we leave for my car. On the way to the car we don't talk it's a short walk, but all I can think is how handsome he looks. I shouldn't think like that, but hes my best friend and he looks good. Im happy for him. If he only knew.

We get into the car and drive to his house. Halfway there he grabs my hand and kisses it. Still holding into to his lips "ive missed you lilly" and kisses it again. I smile and may or may not have blushed. We drive and holds hand the whole way. I don't know why but I just cant fight this feeling anymore. Haha song lyrics, you never fail me! We pull up to liam's house and he gets his stuff and leaves. We have plans to go out tonight after he spends some time with the family. Ive missed him so much you don't even know.


	3. Chapter 3

When reading this chapter I suggest listening to the song "I'll be" by Edwin McCain :)

Liam POV

Ive been home for four hours. Its been four hours since I last saw Lilly. And at least another two hours before she comes over. I cant take this. This feeling that I know she is down the street from me. Only a five-minute drive away and yet im not with her. Why am I not by her side making up for every lost minute. I need to be with her. Just as im thinking this my mum walks in. "hey mum"

"hey honey! We are gonna make chili does lilly want to come eat?"

"yes, yes she does."

"oh you already asked her?"

"no haha but im ermm her best friend and I know she will want to because she loves your chili."

"haha ok liam itll be ready in about a half hour"

I grab my phone and dial lilly.

She is on her way now haha this is perfect. 10 minutes later she is at my bedroom door. "hey there loner boy, why aren't you socializing with the family?"

"hey" my face lights up "cause I was calculating the ratio of minutes to days to make up for being gone"

"oh yeah" she says while sitting down on my bed "and what did you come to"

"too many" I say as I turn up Pandora and walk to my closet. I pretend to be looking for a sweater but im not. I walk and sneak up behind lilly and jump onto the bed and grab her around the waste and pull her down onto the bed and begin to tickle her. "NO liam STOP" she screams in-between laughs and gasps for air. She is so cute when she laughs like this, Natural and happy. I stop and she calms down but we are laying on our sides. Our legs intertwined. Her eyes are closed and she looks happy. I pull her close to me and kiss her forehead. "im glad your back liam"

"me too"

we stay like this until mum calls us down for dinner.

After dinner we watch movies and talk just like normal, but inside im dying. I cant be just friends any more. We are already extremely close, and do things normal friends don't do. Like kiss each other. I mean no lip to lip, but still the boys don't do that with any of their friends that are girls. But I just love her so much I cant help it. I don't want to hurt her I just want to hold her and never let go. Ever since xfactor I felt like a piece of me was missing. Now I realize its lilly. I need her in my life. Without her I am nothing. I am just liam. But with her I am everything and more.

Lilly's POV

How does one nonchalantly tell their best friend they are in love with them. I mean there has been other guys, but it was never all really there. And I don't know maybe I just dated them to fill the void that liam left. I dated so many guys while liam was gone and he has no clue. He knew about a couple hopefuls, but they were just never what I wanted. They weren't liam. A couple of them were meant and I deserved it. I was fat but now im skinny and I work out all the time. But they didn't have to hit me, they hit me with their words. Spitting drunken words into my face about how fat and ugly I am. It was true. Some days it is still true. I could never tell liam about those guys though. He would probably realize it and agree with them and then he wouldn't want to be my best friend anymore, let alone love me. Maybe I shouldn't tell him I love him. Isn't there that saying that if you love something you have to let it go? Right? I don't know I cant really think straight tonight. Liam is still sleeping when I walk out of the bathroom. I climb into the bed and try not to wake him. I kiss his forehead before I close my eyes. I hear him rustle but I try to pretend to be asleep. He sees my tear streaked face and now he sits up against the headboard and pulls me closer but I don't open my eyes just cry a little more. He brushes my hair back as he whispers. "shh, baby its ok im here. Don't cry. Shh..." I cant control it I just cry and cry. Still he rocks me back and forth. I'm crying so hard im shaking. Liam stops rocking me and just holds me in his arms. As he rubs my back he sings into my ear

"I, ill love you forever,

forever and always. Through the good,

the bad, and the ugly,

well grow old together,

forever and always."

I calm down just a bit as he transitions into a new song.

"lights will guide lilly, home.

And I will try to fix you."

I stop crying and liam hands me a tissue. I probably look like a slob but I don't care. Ive missed him so much. I needed someone to hold me. And now my li li is back.

I sit in his lap and lean my forehead against his as I try to steady my breathing. Liam rubs my back which helps. Soon im drifting to a sort of sleep so liam lays me down...

Liam's POV

Lilly began to fall back into a soft sleep and so I lie her down and went into the hallway. Originally I was gonna go to the bathroom but I guess my mum heard because she was there. Instead I just fell to the floor and cried. Mum came over and rubbed my back as I cried. 'let it out honey. Its ok."

I sobbed just like a little baby. "no mom its not okay." I whisper shouted to her.

"why is that liam?" she aksed.

"because im a horrible best friend. All those times she needed me I was gone. When she needed someone to hold her through the night I was nowhere to be found.!"

"I am her woody! I am supposed to save her but I let her be broken over and over again!"

I cried and cried and cried. Mum rocked me back and forth just as I had done for lilly. Which just made me cry more. In-between sobs I managed to choke out the words "mum, I love her." " .much"

"I know honey, I know." She brushed what little hair I had left back. She kissed my forehead and then look straight into my eyes with great sadness. Was she sad because of me crying, lilly crying, or what she was about to say. I couldn't tell. "liam..." her voice avering with every word. "I have to let you know." This can not be good.. "yes mum, what is it?"

"while you were gone, lilly was very sad. She missed you very very much. And she didn't know how to deal with the pain." Now mum was crying I just shook my head, I knew what was coming. I didn't want to hear it, I didn't want it to be true. "lilly met some interesting people while you were gone, some were nice. But most were not." "they hurt her liam, they broke her and she couldn't pick up the pieces.

That is why she was crying tonight. Her mum called me countless nights saying that lilly would just stay up all night crying. She wouldn't call you, she didn't want to get in the way. She loves you so much she doesnt want to burden you. Liam these people she met got her to think bad things and she still believes them." With every word my mother said I took it in and cried a little harder imagining it all happening. It made me sad but mad. Why. Why should this happen to her. I wouldnt to punch something, to break anything so that I could feel lilly's pain. "I know what youre thinking liam, but no. the pain lilly feels is not physical it is mental."

"mum.." I whispered... "did she use drugs.?"

"no liam she didn't. but she didn't eat for weeks at a time. She lost so much weight. It was terrifying. I was afraid if I hugged her to tight I would break her bones.

Ooh and she drank all the time li. We were afraid that if she didn't get help she would have. "NO MOM DON'T SAY IT"

"liam you have to understand that I will not say it, but you have to understand we were close."

"why didn't anyone else tell me!?" I sobbed.

"liam we didn't want to distract you and by the time we found out we thought it was too late."

"so you would have given up on her! Just let her leave with out a fight!" I fought out the words, I didn't want to wake lilly, and my throat was hoarse from crying.

"no liam, never would I ever give up on lilly.! How dare you think that. You don't understand how bad she was. She only ate once a day and a very small amount and drank more than her liver could take."

I just cried and cried some more. I didn't know what else to do. "mum what do I do? Im supposed to save her how do I do it?" ... "im scared." I whispered.

"you need to tell her how you really feel, and you just need to be there for her. Do all that you can that will be more than enough for her. Go wipe your nose and try to get some sleep. I love you son."

"thanks mum, for everything." I kissed her goodnight and went to the bathroom. I wiped my nose and rinsed my face after I dried my face with a towel I looked in the mirror. "youre a horrible best friend." I said to my reflection. Then I walked to my room and climbed into my bed. She was still sound a sleep. I wrapped her in my arms and kissed her forehead several times. Each time repeating the words "im here".

As I tried to sleep I took notice to how small lilly had gotten, I couldn't believe I didn't notice. She was never large by any means, but now she was noticeably thinner. And you could see the bags under her eyes from little sleep. I stroked her hair a few times and then rested my head against hers. I closed my eyes and tried to remember some of the boyfriends she had. All I could think of was them treating her horribly and it made me want to punch someone. i held lilly tighter and soon drifted into a restless sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Louis's POV

it has been a couple days since the boys splt up to get home. But we are all going to meet up in London to have a fun day with lilly and liam. We were gonna wait but a few days ago liam called me very late sobbing all I could make out of his mubled words was "lilly, im so sorry, im horrible" and I didn't know what to do. Finally he calmed down and expained. He feels horrible about everything and doesn't know what to do. So much has happened and he just wants to make lilly happy so we are gonna go to zayn's flat in London and hang out a bit then maybe go in the city. Little does lilly know that she will leave London a changed girl. Ahhh lou you are a master!

Lilly's POV

Im getting ready to go to London for the weekend with liam and the boys. Niall cant come which is kinda sad L I love my little irish pig. I wear an off the shoulder sweater, it is so comfy. I have on my skinny jeans and some boots. My hair is curled and looks decent. I didn't curl it a lot, just enough to make it wavy and give it some shape. I go downstairs and liam is waiting. "hey you ready?" he asks.

"yeah lets go"

another reason I love this sweater is because it's so big it reminds me of how much weight ive lost, and it hides the fat that I still have. I didn't eat at all today so if we got food with the boys I would eat more, then it would like I was eating normally. Yeah, it's normal. Right?

Louis POV

They are almost here. Lilly texted me they are almost here. Im gonna die, im so excited because ahhhh I love love. They are so cute I just love them. And I cant wait for Eleanor to meet lilly and im just so happy.

That reminds me, I need to go tell niall to hide. Lol I love surprises.

Liam POV

im so nervous it's not even funny. What if she rejects me because of how those other guys treated her. What if they messed her up so bad that she thinks ill be like that too. Oh but I wont. She looks so cute leaning against the window looking out as we pass by. We used to play this game when we were younger called sweet and sour. you would wave at cars when they passed. If they waved back they were sweet if not they were sour. It had no point but lilly loved to play it because she would make up stories about why the sour ones wouldn't wave. Outrageous stories like they couldn't possibly wave because they were on the way to the emergency room because their pet unicorn chipped its horn. I chuckle to myself and she smiles and looks over at me. "what?" she giggles.

"nothing just thinking" I smile. I grab her hand and kiss it. "I have a surprise for you when we get there."

"really?! What!"

"you dork, I cant tell you hence the surprise part!" I ruffle her hair, and she smacks away my hand. I stick my tounge out at her as we pull in. we get out of the car and head to zayn's flat. I grab her waist from behind and walk steps in sync to the stairs. And right before we get to the stairs I hit her before running up the stairs yelling "youre it!"

"liam payne I cant believe youre still playing games! After all these years haven't you learned. I will get you!" I ran inside and went to the hallway as planned.

Louis POV

"liam payne I cant believe youre still playing games! After al these haven't you learned. I will get you!" lilly yelled as she climbed the stairs. Liam ran in and down the hall. Shortly after lilly ran in I pointed her towards the hallway and she walked into the room after room till finally she walked into the one niall was in. you then heard he scream "NIALL!" about five minutes later niall came out with lilly following behind but before she came out liam snatched her from the hall. This better go well.

Liam POV

"NIALLL!" I laughed. She thought that was the only surprise. My hands are shaking. I see niall walk by the door and then lilly but I grab her waist and pull her into the closet. Its dark you can barely see but our eyes adjust to the light and all I see is lilly. Our chests are pressed against each other and our noses are touching. she seems to be holding her breath. "fancy meeting you here" I whisper. She giggles. "yeah strange huh?" I put my arms around her waist and hold on. She doesn't know what to do so she plays with her hair. I kiss her forehead and she smiles, but still looks down as she plays with her hair.

'lilly' the words barely come out im so nervous. I grab her chin and lightly tilt her head up so she is looking at me. I can see worry, hurt, and fear in her eyes. "lilly, I love you."I chuckle lightly before adding 'I always have" she's quiet for a minute. It was the longest minute of my life. But she never once broke eye contact. I felt as if my heart was about explode from beating so fast and just when I was about to cave to give in and tell her its ok if she didn't like me back or if she didn't want to be friends anymore. She whispered so softly that I could barely here it "I love you woody" and I leaned in and kissed her ever so lightly on the lips. Just a peck like one you would give to your grandma. And instantly I wanted more. I want to taste all that she had to offer. I closed my eyes and kissed her over and over. I pushed her up against the wall, but not to hard, and put my hands at her waist as our lips intertwined. She wrapped her arms around my neck and rubbed the back of my neck with her thumb. We kissed for what felt like forever. I never wanted this moment to end. We parted and our foreheads resting against each other heavily breathing. Inbewtween gasps for air I smiled "you have no idea how long ive wanted to do that" and I kissed her again, just once.

Lilly's POV

"NIALL" oh my goodness what is he doing here! I cant belive it I htought he wasn't coming oh this makes me so happy! I guess that was liam's surprise he is so silly. I follow niall out into the hallway im just about to make a comment to louis when im suddenly thrust into the closet. As my eyes adjust to the light I realize it was liam who pulled me in. we are chest to chest and I can smell his cologne. I don't know how to describe it but he just always smells really good. Im a dork I know. "fancy meeting you here" he laughs.

"yeah strange huh" he puts his arms around my waist and pulls me closer I don't mind, but im afraid. So I play with my hair. He tilts my head and whispers "lily, I love you." He chuckles while adding "I always have." He waits for my reply. I seem to be holding my breath but I cant help it. A thousand thoughts rush through my head. All the times when we were little all the times he has been there to save me, my woody always fighting for me. But where was he when I needed him most. Nowhere to be found, what if he is like all those other guys. What If he finds out he doesn't really love me. I stare into his eyes and think all of this and more. I feel like time is still as if no time has passed what so ever. I don't know what to do, but I don't want to lose liam without a fight. If he finds out he doesn't love me then ill have to prove him wrong, right? But for now he loves me, right? So I should love him back, right? I whisper so quietly that if we weren't as close as were then he would have never heard. I looked straight into his eyes as I said "I love you woody.." he leaned in and kissed me just once, a small peck. But it was everything I had hoped for. Then he leaned again and this time it lasted longer, longer. Our lips intertwined felt like they were made to be put together. Like the last two puzzle pieces of a puzzle, only one piece fits no matter how much you try to shove in the wrong one. We backed up so that I was leaning against the wall. His hand held my hips and I wrapped my arms around his neck as he deepened the kiss. I began to message the back of his neck with m thumb and soon he pulled away. I leaned against his forehead breathless and wanting more. "you have no idea how long ive wanted to do that" and then he kissed me again. I sighed and just smiled. we just stood there supporting each other with the balance of our foreheads touching. eyes closed and smiling. Every once in a while liam would kiss me just once. Enough to make me never want to leave. What seemed like no time had passes we found out we had been in there for ten minutes. We came out holding hands, and went to the living room where the boys were. When we entered they saw and knew but still asked.

Niall- "soooo"

Liam looked at the boys then looked at me then at the boys again. I laughed as he winked at the boys. They all gasped as liam turned and planted another one on me. It took my breath away. I stood on my tippy toes as I smiled and kissed him back. After a couple of seconds we broke away and the boys hooted and hollered! I couldn't wait to see what the rest of the weekend held.

Liam POV

for the first time I slept not with just my best friend in my arms, but my girlfriend. The love of my life. She looked up at me laughing saying "what are you thinking about goofball?" I laughed and kissed her before replying "about how tonight im falling asleep with my beautiful girlfriend in my arms" and I kissed her again. "goodnight boyfriend" and she kissed me back before falling asleep.

And for the first night in a long time she fell asleep without tears. With out worry, without fear. Tonight she is safe. I kissed her forehead and drifted to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

LILY POV

Sometimes, when liam was first gone, I would think about what it would be like if he was till here. But soon I got distracted with other things. When he got really big, that's when it hit. I had to share him now. I couldn't keep him to myself when the whole world wanted him. I don't know how it developed. It just started. When he got really famous I started to feel this nagging emptiness. To fill it I would go out and drink. I didn't drink much because my stomach couldn't handle it. A couple bears and a shot or two and I was hammered. So I would limit myself to only one beer. But the more I went, the more I could take. Instead of just going for a drink at night, I began going at 5 on the way home. Then on my break from work I would have one with the guys. Once I started, there was no stopping rollercoaster lily. Only the fun didn't last for long, every ride has its end.

There were many guys. Not all of them were bad. Really none of them were. They all love me, I was just bad, and ugly, and fat. That is why they did it, cause they loved me. They wanted me to be a better person. That's why. I should probably tell liam all this. He has to know a bit. But I don't think he knows about how bad I got. As im thinking this I notice that the boys are staring at me as we sit in the living room. "what?" I ask calmly. The boys suddenly look everywhere but me. Zany runs a hand through his hair and shrugs. "um" he stutters. "well" niall buts in. "your hand was shaking" louis spoke. He said it as if it was a question. Like he was asking me if what he saw was real. But I couldn't give him the answer I didn't feel it. "oh…" I sigh. "yeha sometimes I guess that happens" I shrug it off like its no big deal. "you ok babe" liam asks places his hand on my shoulder. "yeah im fine" I start to stand and turn to give liam a quick kiss before going to the kitchen. I didn't want to eat. But if im shaking I should eat something so the boys don't notice. I grab an apple and eat half of it. "niall you want my apple?" I yell across the flat. "no. im good love!" he yells back. Oh well I sigh and throw the apple away before returning to my spot on the couch. Zayn got up to go get himself something to eat. "I can make you something zayn if you want?"

"no its ok love, thanks though"

I shrug and lie back into liams arms. He is watching some show on the telly with the boys. I don't pay much attention. I let my mind wander back to my thoughts before.

ZAYN POV

Lily was shaking earlier. For a long time before anyone said anything. I think im the only one who noticed how long but it was a good five minutes. She acted strange about it. Like she didn't know she was shaking, but that this has happened before. I go into the kitchen and make myself some soup. When im done I go to throw away my napkin and I see lily's apple in the garbage. She barely had 5 bites out of it. That's strange. Liam said she loved apples. Maybe she isn't hungry. I hope she Is well.

LILY POV

The first guys name was Dan. He was tall and rugged. He was all that attractive, but he worked at one of the pubs. He first time I met him he told me that I "didn't drink enough" I laughed as I sipped my one drink for the night. We dated for about a week, sneaking kisses across the bar counter. He cheated on me with one of the girls that worked there. So I stopped going to that pub. The second and third guys were blurs. But I remember steve. He was different. He made me feel wanted. So I did something I hadn't done since I was 16. I slept with him. I think I did it out of anger from the past boyfriends. How Dan had cheated on me. We did it a lot after that. Seemed like we just couldn't keep our pants on. A smirk creeps on my face, but its instantly wiped away when I remember how we ended. We were at a pub the night before. I had gotten hammered beyond belief. We did it in the pub's bathroom. After words we went home, when I woke there was another girl in the bed. I didn't remember doing anything. Steve then proceeded to tell me that I was too fat and so he carried my "fat ass" home and brought home this other chick. But that isn't where it started. I think that may have initiated the thoughts. But it wasn't till a couple of guys later till I realized that they were right. I don't know his real name. his friends called him Bo. But he said it was short for something, I think I was drunk when he told me though so I don't remember. Bo was 6'5" and a boxer. He was chiseled. He was tan with dark hair. All the friends I had left were jealous. They would awe at his body and tease me saying "your boyfriend is so hot" and "dang lily, Bo is fit, bet hes nice in bed". The comments may have been different. But I didn't mind. They made me feel lucky. Lucky to have someone like Bo love me. He did love me, despite what liam's mother tries to say. He did, I know. Bo and me dated for 6 months. They were the best 6 months since liam had left. One night we went out and Bo tried some new drink. He was not himself. My blood alcohol levels were already high. He came over and pushed me up against the wall. He began to kiss me hard. We were two drunken lovers in the back. The bass pumping hard, you could barely here anything. The smell of beer and smoke-filled the pub. He began to nuzzle at my neck. I wasn't really paying attention. He took notice and gripped my hips tighter and shoving me a little harder into the wall. "hey" he hissed into my neck. I kissed him cheek and he continued to kiss my neck as I wrapped my arms around his neck. I wasn't all there, my eyes wandered the pub and the only time I realized he was still there was each time he pushed me against the wall. After a few times he grabbed my face in his hand jerking my head so that my eyes were forced to look into his drunken eyes. "you bitch, what is wrong with you tonight. Did you eat too much?" the anger dripped from his voice. I could smell whatever drink he had on his hot breath. "no, nothing" I murmured. I gave him a quick smile and he released my face from his hands. He went straight back to kissing me hard. Gripping my hips tight. I felt a small pinch in my hip and I gasped, which just led him into him deepening the kiss, slipping his tongue into my mouth. His harsh, rough hands ran up my side where they found place under my tight already small shirt. I tried to pull away put he just shoved me back into the wall. I hit my head and cry attempted to escape my mouth as he pulled away. I don't know why he was so angry. Maybe I did eat too much. I'll start running tomorrow. That will help. I felt bad for him as he kissed my neck tightening his grip on my hips and thrusting me against the wall. I began to run my hands through his hair and kissing his neck. This seemed to settle him as he loosened his grip. He left a trail of kisses on my neck up to my cheek, resting his head against my face he whispered into my ear. "you better get interesting bitch" His hot, seductive, breath gave me chills. I gave him a small nod before taking a sip of a drink near me. I wasn't sure whose it was or what it even was but my throat was dry. It was hard to swallow, must have been something hard. A drunken bo led me towards the doors. We went to his flat. He opened the door and shut it before quickly turning and ripping his coat and shirt off. We've had sex before. But for some reason, even in my dunken state, I knew tonight would be different. Excited as a new drunken rush of adrenaline washed over me I did the same. Soon we stood shirtless in the hallway heavily making out. He began to forcefully, push me towards the room. I was slammed against the closed-door before he opened the door behind him pulling me in with him. I giggled as he tried to undo my pants. Soon he undid them and slipped them off. I did the same with him but I couldn't help but giggle. "What did you drink bitch" he huffed. His breath now cold. I tried to push him towards the bed but he turned me around to take control. When we were near the bed he slapped me. Hard. Hard enough to fall back onto the bed before we did what we came to do. When it was all done. He rolled over. I went to the bathroom to see the damage. Still naked I looked in the mirror. I began to see what he saw. How fat I was, how ugly I was. Tomorrow I will start running. When I came out of the bathroom he was standing. A pair of boxers now on. I put my bra and underwear on. I walked over to him. I rested my hands on his chest and looked up at him. He bent down to give me a kiss, just one. It was short and sweet. Back to the Bo I love. He leaned in again, but at the last second he grabbed my arm and twisted it pulling my face close to his. "you fat whore, how you were tonight better not happen again" "you understand" he grimaced twisting my arm harder. "mmhm" I whimpered, slightly nodding my head. With his spare hand he grasped my jaw squeezing it jerking it to the side. I crumbled under his force. His eyes danced as he chuckled and released me, flinging me to the ground. That is when it started. The bruises came. I began to get more and more. people asked but I always told them I bruise easily. I twitched at the memory of Bo lashing out at me. I felt arms around me squeeze and I let out a whimper. "hey. Hey. Don't cry" I heard liam whisper. I was brought back to reality as he turned me nad held me in his arms. I didn't want to let go. I felt so safe. I was shaking as he rocked me back and forth whipping my cheek as a tear strolled down. "whats wrong?"

I couldn't speak just shook my head back and forth as a few more tears fell from my eyes.

LIAM POV

Lily had been lying in my arms. Every once in a while she would twitch as if she was having a bad dream. After a while a the twitches became more frequent and zayn pointed out that she was now crying. I squeezed her and she crippled under the touch whimpering a helpless plea. "hey. Hey. Don't cry." I turned her in my arms and wiped the tears from her cheeks, but they continued to flow steadily. She tried to make sounds into words. But nothing came out. She just shook her head. I ran my hand through her hair and the second my hand came contact with her face she flinched whimpering as I cautiously held her face cupped in my hand. She closed her eyes tight, and murmured "he isn't going to hurt you" it was hushed, and broken between sobs . "no baby" I cried rubbing my thumb along her cheek and taking my free hand and intertwining it with hers. "I will never hurt you" I held her until she was ok again, Till she fell asleep. A sudden burst of rage flowed through my veins. This must have been what my mum had been talking about. My hands tensed. I was now standing in the kitchen when zayn walked in and noticed. "ey mate!" he chirped. "hey!?" he said again cautiously. "umm…anything wrong" fear in his eyes.

"it's lily" I stated.

ZAYN POV

"its lily? What do you mean!? Whats wrong?" I cried out. Did he find out why she was twitching. We had left them alone when she began to twitch, assuming she was having a bad dream. "she's broken" liam whispered. "shes so broken" a single tear fell down his face as he stared into space. I tried to get him to pay attention to me but it was no use. "I don't know what you mean? How so?" I pried, hoping it would spark up the life in his eyes again. "she crippled in pain at the slightest touch. She had to tell her self 'hes not going to hurt you'" he cried out. We all know liam would never hurt lily. "why would she do that?" I asked. "because I left her alone, with no on to turn to. So she got lost, and they broke her." He cried out the tears now falling steadily. "they broke her" he whispered. He shook his head trying to clear his thoughts. Make the pain go away. He suddenly stood up and ran out the door. "heyy!" I called after him. "Where are you going!"  
he didn't stop to turn around just hollered "ill text you!" before getting in the car and driving off. I sigh as I go check lily. She is still sleeping right where liam left her. She had a confused look on her face. I continued to watch her lie sleeping. She was still- she wasn't twitching. But soon her confused look turned into one of pain. Her body began to shake violently. I didn't know what to do. I just stood there, complete shock. The shaking stopped and a drowsy Lily awoke.

LILY POV

I woke up in a daze to see zayn staring at me. A look of horror covered his face.  
"we need to talk" his voice shook as he stated, "now."

i sat up, looked him straight in the eye and nodded just once before starting.


	6. Chapter 6

LILY POV

I started from the beginning. And when I started I counted stop. I kept speaking even as the tears flowed. I could see worry and pain in his eyes as I spoke, but I ignored it. When I was done I just sat and cried. After a while Zayn still hadn't spoken up. "zayn" my voice shook. He looked up his eyes finding mine. We sat in silence for what seemed like forever before he finally said something. "I, I cant." He mumbled before wrapping me in his arms.

ZAYN POV

Just before lily had woken I received a text from liam.

.going out, be back tonight.

.if lily wakes up, don't leave her alone.

I replied and that's when I noticed her shaking. When she awoke I never imagined she would tell me the things she did. So much hurt and pain to such a small girl. Liam was right. She is broken. I couldn't think of words to say. How do you respond to so much heartbreak and pain.

"I, I cant" I mumbled before wrapping her in my arms. I held her as she cried. After awhile I spoke up. "does liam know?"

"no" she murmured. I turned to face her. Her eyes wouldn't meet mine as she spoke. " I cant, he doesn't know the extent.'" She shook her head, "he wouldn't look at me the same."

"he wll understand, he wants to help you" I cried. But she didn't listen to my urgent whispers. She stood and walked to her room.


	7. Chapter 7

ZAYN POV

It's been and hour since Lily went to her room. I cant seem to wrap my brain around everything. I need to tell lliam. But yet I think she should tell him, though I don't know how well that would work. It may take to long for her to work up the courage. But I don't think her body has enough time. I knew something was off. The past few days flooded into my memory. She almost never was here when we ate and if she was she would only eat small amounts. I shook my head. But the memories weren't like water from the pool. I couldn't just shake my head hard enough and they would be gone. Forever forgotten. I ran my hands through my hair as I thought about how petrified she looked. As if those guys were around the corner and knew she was telling me. I was on edge and knew if I didn't get out I would tell liam. I shot out of my seat, my pace quickening with each step as I stormed out the door. I could hear the door slam as I got In the car. I turned the car on and drove. I gripped the wheel tight and my knuckles were turning white. My vision became slightly blurred as I drove. I blinked hard, to clear my eyes. My mouth quivered as i drove. Turning the car with the curves of the road leading to where, I wasn't exactly sure. The radio was on. I turned it up hoping to block my mind but the visions of lily with those guys flooded into my brain sending a blow to my heart with each blow to her. She is Love came on by Parachute. One of Lily's favorite bands. As the music bounced off the walls I fought every urge in my body not to cry. The lyrics came in slow

"I've been beaten down,  
I've been kicked around.  
But she takes it all for me.  
And I lost my faith, in my darkest days.  
She makes me want to believe."

I hit the steering wheel as hard as I could. I jumped when I hit the horn cursing under my breath. I quickly took the next turn drifting far into the next lane. I was driving recklessly but i barely felt a thing. I pulled over. As the chorus drifted through the speakers and I put the car into park. The words sung so simple as I banged my head repeatedly on the steering wheel in front of me. The tears came. Not heavy, but steady.  
"They call her love, love, love, love, love.  
They call her love, love, love, love, love.  
She is Love,"

With the last line lingering as the song strummed out I rested my head on the steering wheel. I attempted to steady my breathing. The next song came on but I tuned it out. I stayed like this for what felt like forever before finally letting out a sigh. and I did what I should have done the second lily stopped talking.

"im here for you, I will never let anyone hurt you. You are beautiful lily" I whispered To the empty parking lot in front of me. I knew she couldn't hear me. But I needed to say it. And I would tell her the second I got home. That is if I can find my way back. I put the car in drive and began to drive back the way I came.

I pulled into the flat to see that liam's car was there. That's good maybe lily told him, though I doubt it.

I walked up to the door dragging my feet behind, not really wanting to face the cold truth about what took place. I opened the door and walked in, head down. I felt someone collide into me, barely affected by the incident I mumbled out a sorry without looking to see who before walking away. I felt like stone, completely out of touch with the world.  
I heard someone shout "hey" but I couldn't really make out whose voice it was, as they grabbed my hand pulling me back and forcing me to turn to face them. I slowly lifted my head to meet liams worried eyes.  
"mate what's wrong, where have you been!?" he asked.

My eyes flickered away before meeting his again and urgently whispering out a small "nothing" and turning around. I started to walk away. Before stopping dead in my tracks. I turned my head slightly to the left, out of the corner of my eye I could barely see liam standing. Frozen as if he couldn't move. "ask lily." I echoed before storming off to sulk in my room.

I had every right to be so harsh and to feel like this. My world had been shaken by liyly's news and I needed time to process.

to pick up the pieces and rebuild the city.

LIAM POV

He sulked off leaving me standing in the doorway. I stood motionless. He stopped and turned his head to the side barely enough to see me out of the corner of his eyes. He waited a second as if to think of what he was to say next before he utter out a harsh "ask lily." and storming off. The words echoed in my chest as they bounced around my brain trying to figure out what he meant. Surely Lily didn't cheat on me with zayn. But what does he mean. When I came back lily was in her room sleeping and zayn was gone. The rest of the boys I had no idea where they could be.

I ran a hand through my hair as I closed the door and walked to the kitchen. I stopped at the steps that lead upstairs. I looked up and stared. I don't know what I was looking for. Maybe a sign that would tell me if I should go speak to lily. Or if I should just let zayn's steam run out and ask him. I bent my head and looked to the floor for the answer. I kicked a dog toy away before running up the stairs. I ran as fast I could lifting my knees high with each stride. When I got to the top I paced quickly to Lily's door. I lifted my hand to knock but stopped, leaving it to hover over the door before resting it on the door. I leaned my weight into the door and took a deep breath. Before lifting my knuckles, pounding the door lightly twice.

"come in" she spoke, her quiet words mumbled through the door. She was curled up in a corner of her bed. "hey" I smiled. She returned the favor but retreated her head, tucking it in between her legs. She held them close to her as she breathed steadily.

Something was wrong. It hurt to see her flinch at the feel of the bed moving from me sitting down on the other end.

"tell me" I breathed. Trying not to make any sudden movements that would scar her.  
"I cant" she quivered.

"please" I whispered. Worry dripping from my voice.

She lifted her head resting the on her arms that still held her legs close to her chest. She looked everywhere but me for what seemed like forever before she spoke. "ok….here goes…" she murmured before pouring out everything I could have never imagined. I would have never expected what came out to flow from her beautiful lips. As the words came and the tears fell ; I tried to wrap my thought around the words that bounced around the walls of my brain. But everything was happening so fast. No. it couldn't be true.


	8. Chapter 8

LILY POV

I sat motionless on my bed. Liam ran out. After I told him everything and after all the crying ive done today already I was worn out. The only time I sleep well is when im with liam. He makes me feel safe.

But now, now that he knows I think he wont want to sleep with me. Not after everything id done. I deserve what Bo and the others did. Because I betrayed liam. Sure he dated others while he was gone but he never went to my extremes. I didn't tell him about me not eating I barely brushed the subject of my insecurities. I think he got the message though. The moment the topic came up I could only look at him for no longer than a second. The longer I looked at his hurt eyes, the more ii would cry. For a while I shook violently. But liam didn't rush to my rescue. The shock of it all is just now hitting me.

Liam isn't gonna love me anymore. I deserve it. I should be punished. My stomach growled and I quickly ignored it. I didn't feel like eating. I didn't even feel like breathing. I just sit on my bed completely emotionless, yet every emotion filled my thoughts. My heart felt numb. And liam was nowhere in sight.

This is typical me, always running to liam for help. He is my woody, right?

I drew my knees up to my chest and held them tight as I rested my chin on top of them. I stared at the wall in front of me. It held now pointless memories.

Sweet kisses, sweet love filled moments. But like Liam, they were gone.

I deserve this feeling, This feeling of emptiness.

ZAYN POV

Liam ran out of lily's room a little while ago. I waited before checking on her. The door was still wide open from when liam left, and she sat on the bed. She didn't even notice me standing in the doorway, or when I entered and stood only a few feet away from her.

She sat motionless. A blank stare plastered her once bright face.

It was if a vacuüm sucked all feeling out of her. I don't blame liam for his reaction. I reacted the same way. She drew her legs to her chest resting her chin. For a moment her eyes fluttered with light but it was quickly gone. I was now standing next to the bed. If she flickered her eyes my way she would see me out of the corner of her eye. She didn't even move when I placed my hand on her shoulder. She was completely lifeless and broken. "lily" I whispered. Still nothing. I leaned down to kiss her cheek,

"im here for you, youre beautiful" I whispered as I sat down next to her wrapping her in my arms.

Her body felt cold and still. After a little while her body loosened and she leaned in to me. She nestled her head into the crook of my neck. No sound other than her heavy breathing.

LILY POV

The ability to form tears was gone. The ability to feel touch was static, like an old t.v. set. Coming in and out of sense.

I heard zayn whisper to me. But I don't know when he got there. After a while I realized he had wrapped his arms around me. And was sitting on the bed with me. I wrapped my arms around his waist. Snuggling my head into his shoulder. His body was warm. He didn't smell like liam did though. He smelled musky and tough. Liam smelled like safety. Like dry clothes on a wet rainy day. If I could cry I would. But the tears wouldn't come.

All emotion was gone, but the words echoed in my mind, just as the faces filled my eyes. Bo's face, all the other guys, Liam's. I wanted to lash out, to scream and kick and shout. To break something, to hurt something, just to feel something. Anything at all.

"I deserve it, all of it I breathed.

Zayn's body tensed at my words. "it's true"

My words were barely whispers. If you were a few feet away you couldn't of even tell I spoke, but zayn heard. And with each truth his body tensed.

I let go of zayn and pushed myself away retreating to the other side of the bed. My feet dangled from the edge. My back was to zayn put his eyes pierced me. I curled my fist, clutching on to the sheets. I felt zayn's warm hand reach out and touch my back. "don't" I whispered, shrugging him off.

ZAYN POV

"no." she whispered.

Shrugging off my hand. Her words were cold and sharp. I stood up to walk around to stand in front of her. "don't zayn!" she spoke when I was halfway around the bed. I hesitated before continuing "no" I retorted.

She shook her head just once before attempting to turn herself around again. I quickly rushed to her and grabbed her arm pulling her back around. She kept her head down. "lily" I spoke, attempting to keep my voice level.

No response.

"lily, look at me" I spat tugging on her arm as I leaned so that my face was just inches from hers.

She slowly lifter her head but her eyes looked everywhere but mine. "lily" I begged.

"give him time to process".

She let the words sink in before her eyes went cold and she stood. She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. Instead she looked at my hand still on her arm and quickly ran out the door. "wait!" I yelled after her.

LILY POV

"wait!" zayn yelled after me as I ran out the door. I ran door the stairs skipping the last four or so. As I jumped to the floor my feet flooded with pain. Suddenly the tingling sensation ran through my feet and legs. I crippled under the pain as I attempted to run to the door. The tears started and my vision became blurry. I heard something crash to the floor but I kept running. Each stride sent a shock through my legs. Several voices called my name. But I tuned them out to my best abilities. I fiddled with the doorknob before it flung opened and I continued to run. I could barely see in front of me and I whimpered in pain as I ran. Suddenly I ran into a wall and I crippled down the floor. My body completely giving out under the impact. I lied shaking on the floor crying.

Someone reached out to touch me but I quickly swatted away the caring hand.

"don't hurt me!" I cried out.

A pair of strong arms lifted me as I flayed my arms and legs kicking and screaming.

"please!" I yelled.  
"ill be better I swear!"

I kicked and I screamed but the arms continued to carry my body to a room. They placed me onto a couch. And I quickly retreated back into the corner not lifting my eyes to see who had taken me. The tears still flowed, I let them blur my vision. I didn't want to see who it was. The hands reached out to touch me but I flinched away shouting "stop! STOP IT!"

LIAM POV

She cowered into the depths of the far corner of the couch. Her head tucked down the only sound escaping her mouth were whimpers. I could tell by the way her body moved up and down she was crying. I reached out to touch her, to help calm her down and she flinched away shouting "stop! STOP IT" so much fear and pain filled her voice.

"ill be good I swear, I love you" she cried out.

"you love me?" she whimpered, her voice barely a whisper.

"baby youre always good" I pleaded.

She rocked back and forth with her legs drawn close to her chest.

Her head shook violently as she whispered

"no, no, no,

bo wont hurt me, bo loves me.

.no"

My heart felt as if it had been shot repeatedly as she spoke Bo's name.

"baby" I whispered.

"where's liam?' she asked.

"liam" she whimpered. Suddenly she stopped shaking her body went completely still.

I touched her arm lightly and she didn't move. It was as if she didn't even feel me there.

"baby" I breathed. Still no reaction.

"it's me, liam" I pleaded. Her head tilted to the side ever so slightly. "liam?' she whispered.

"lily?"

she turned her head to meet me. I was now sitting next to her my body pressed against hers, my face inches from her.

She quickly crashed her lips onto mine. My hand flew up to her face as I kissed back.

Her kiss was filled with love, I wrapped my free arm around her waist pulling her body closer to mine. Her body felt cold. I wanted to kiss away all the pain.

Suddenly she stopped pulling away. Instantaneously I felt empty with her lips gone. My eyes begged for more. But her eyes searched for forgiveness. She bit her lip searching for words.

I cupped her face into my hands. Pulling her close to me. Her lips hovered over mine and her sad eyes pierced mine. Our noses touched as I held her face. "not now" I whispered before kissing her just once.

She tensed under the kiss,

"i…i…i…I" she shook her head.

"no,no,no,no,no baby don't cry" I begged wiping away a tear from her cheek.

"it's me liam, your woody!" I whispered kissing her lips once again. A small smile formed on my lips.

She leaned her head in, resting her forehead on mine.

Single tears strolled down her face. Her eyes clenched shut, her hands gripping onto the loops of my jeans.

Her jaw tightened and I could tell she was fighting off memories.


	9. Chapter 9

LILY POV

I shook.

Cold.

With fear.

Tears stained my face.

My eyes locked shut, but the memories didn't fade. They raced through my mind like NASCAR on a Sunday.

I gripped liam's jeans and pressed my forehead hard into his.

I fought with everything I could, but nothing.

Nothing.

"nothing" bo's voiced echoed.

"you are nothing" again.

I flinched at the reminder of his quick hand against my face.

Hands cupped my face, they were warm, like the tears that trailed my cheeks.

I tried to remember happy things. Like when me and liam were younger.

I am not at bo's. I tell myself.

I am in a tree, with liam. We are 8.

But I slip on branch and cut my knee. Blood.

My mind runs to when bo caused me to bleed.

Blood.

He threw a plate across the kitchen. "you are fat!" he lashed out. Blood.

"you aren't allowed to eat" he yelled as the blood ran down my arm.

I tired to shake my head, to shake out the thoughts. But his hands cupped me face steady.

Lips crashed onto my whimpering ones.

I froze, unresponsive. Only one named raced through my mind.

Bo.

But the lips were warm, gentle. They kissed me soft. As if they were trying to suck the venom out of my thoughts.

I soon gave in kissing back.

Suddenly the name that raced through my mind transformed.

Liam.

I began to kiss back rough and urgent.

His hands stayed where they were as mine ran along his back to his neck. As I gripped his waist in one hand and his neck in another I climbed onto his lap.

The kissing was intense, fast paced, and heated.

Never once did Bo come across my mind.

The only thing that rendered my thoughts was Liam.

I pulled away allowing us to both gasp for air. Liam's thumb ran circles on my cheek as his free hand played with my hair.

I closed my eyes cautiously.

I was Afraid that the memories would come back.

My hands lay on his chest and I could feel the rise and fall of his breathing.

Heavy, long, steady breaths.

"she's back?" he chuckled.

"thank you" I smiled.

"I am always here." He smiled as his hand lowered on my face. "and we can do that again. Whenever you want" he chuckled as his hand brushed my lips before falling to my lap and intertwining our fingers.

I smiled as I kissed him again. Quickly pulling away and resting my head on his shoulder.

I thought about everything that had just happened.

The screaming, the kicking, the running, all of it.

After sitting in the silence a while I could feel Liam's head turning as the short hairs on his head prickled my skin.

"come on" he whispered tugging at my waist.

I nodded into his shoulder as I slowly lifted myself off of him and onto the floor. The floor was cold against my feet it shocked me as I darted my eyes to the floor.

I guess I never put shoes or socks on.

I began to fiddle with my hair as I looked at my freezing feet.

Liam came close and titled my chin up with his finger; he stood smiling down at me.

"how do you feel about tea?" he asked.

"id like that" I whispered.

He leaned down and kissed me before we walked out of the room we were in and grabbed my hand.

"whose room was that?" I asked,

"we were in the main room" he chuckled.

"did anyone see?" I whispered.

"no" he stated as he pulled my hand and kissed it.

"now I don't mean to be the barer of bad news...but.."

oh my lord.

I felt like stone.

A feeling I despised.

"hey don't be scared" he chuckled as he put the water on the stove.

"its not that bad really." He assured me as he sat down.

"the boys and I have to go away for a couple days. To do some publicity stuff"

"I thought you said you guys had 3 months off?" I asked confused.

"we do but every once in a while we have to do some press stuff. Interviews, secret shows, radio, photo shoots. The regular. But the photo shoot is in Wales. So well be there for like 2 or 3 days and then well be right back."

Ok.

2 or 3 days I could do that. Right?

I went years without him. I can do a couple of days.

Look how good that turned out you fat psycho freak.

The voices in my head yelled.

"that's not so bad" I said.

"that's my girl!" he smiled as he kissed me on the cheek.

The water began to hiss and he stood up to grab some mugs.

As he made the tea it was silent.

The only sound came from him..

When suddenly Leona Lewis's bleeding love echoed through the room.

"got it" he yelled as he ran to his phone that was in the next room.

"hello Simon" he chuckled.

Silence.

Then, "oh really? Have you told the boys?"

Silence. "ok"

Silence "sounds like a plan."

Silence, laughter. "thanks, have a good night"

He finished making the tea and brought it to me. I smiled as I took the warm mug.

"thanks" I smiled as I took a sip, letting it run down my throat. The warmth filled my veins.

"so what did simon want?" I questioned taking another sip of the tea.

"well apparently there is a rain storm heading this way tomorrow morning. So we are taking an early flight tonight instead of tomorrow morning."

He continued to sip on his tea waiting for my reaction.

Silence.

The thing I hated most.

"oh" I breathed.

He pulled out his phone and began to type. My guess was he was telling the boys.

When we finished our tea it was nearly 3 o clock.

They would be leaving in two hours.

Liam was already packed. Guess it paid off to be ahead of the game.

We hung out, nothing to major happened. When he left it hit me hard.

I didn't want to let go.

He kissed me hard and urgent. I loved the way he tasted, like home.

Like everything good all rolled up into one. The boys were waiting in the car. Liam's bags were in the car except for his backpack that lay next to the door.

His hands wrapped around my waist. He pressed the small of my back as we stumbled into the wall behind us.

He pressed his hips hard onto mine, as the kiss deepened.

Suddenly the door was loudly swung opened.

We broke away to find zayn in the doorway.

"yeah we gotta go buddy"

He chuckled before grabbing liam's backpack and walking out the door,

"only a few days" he smiled as he played with my hair. He lifted his free arm resting his hand against the wall above my head.

He leaned in and kissed me just once before pulling away.

"we can do that right" he chuckled as he let the strand fall, then tucking it behind my ear.

I nodded before he kissed me again.

He slowly pulled away and began to walk towards the door.

I ran him jumping onto him and pressing my face against his back.

"woahh" he replied startled as I slid down and he turned to face me.

I threw my arms around his waist and buried my face in his chest,

I inhaled deep while he rubbed my back his chin resting on my head.

I pulled away smiling. "Just wanted to smell you one last time, make it last" he chuckled as he leaned down, his lips next to my ear.

"there's an extra bottle of my cologne in the cabinet in the bathroom upstairs." His hot breath sending shivers down my spine. I felt the heat flushing to my cheeks as he kissed them before leaving again.

I was fine when he left. I was fine as I heard the car drive away. And I was fine when he texted me at 8:30 saying the plane was leaving. I was stable when he texted me again at 10 saying they had landed and got to the hotel. When I got off the phone with him I was tired but ok. I found his bed and closed my eyes tyring to steady my breathing. I inhaled the smell of his cologne and began to drift to sleep.

Or so I thought.


	10. Chapter 10

My body was tired, physically.

My brain was tired,physically.

Emotionally, I was drained.

But psychologically, I was hyper active.

My thoughts keeping me up. Tossing and turning. It was the first night with out Liam and it was as if before he Came back from tour. Nothing was making sense.

At 4 in the morning I ran to the bathroom and turned on the warm water. I cupped my hands and Let the warm water fill them. Bringing it to my forehead, I slowly let the water fall down my face. It calmed my nerves as i closed my eyes and pressed the towel to my face. I turned the light off and walked back to the bed. I could call Liam but he would be sleeping. As would zayn. I bit my nail as I contemplated getting back into the bed. I looked at the night stand then back to the door. I snatched my phone and hopped onto the bed crawling under the covers. Again Liam's scent filled my nose. I unlocked my phone seeing a picture of me and Liam. I began to scroll through my photos. Most of the recent ones were of Liam and the boys. But I found a picture I didn't want to see.

It was of me and bo before things went bad. I looked thick. I frowned as I continued to scroll. More pictures of bo and I, of other boyfriends, ones of me looking big. I locked my phone throwing it across the bed and turning on my side. I laid trying to sleep but it was as If my brain simply wouldn't shut down.

That was all I asked for.

All I needed.

Was shut to shut my brain off.

To stop thinking.

I fell asleep for what felt like five minutes before my phone went off. It had actually been five hours, but It sure didn't feel like it.

"Hello?" I answered groggy

"Hey.! Morning darling" Liam cheered on the other line

"Oh hey" I sighed running my hand through my hair.

"You ok?"

"Just couldn't sleep much" I lied. It was Better for him this way. For him not to worry about me.

"I'm sorry love. I wish I could talk but I gotta go just wanted to say hello. I love you, you're ok. You're beautiful! Il talk to you tonight ok?" He sounded worried. And it hurt me to make him worry.

"I'm fine talk to you later" I lied before hanging up

I dragged myself out of bed and headed downstairs. I wasn't hungry.

So I started to unpack some of Liam's things. The radio was on and I was ok. Around 4 in the afternoon I was unpacking some boxes when I opened one with a bunch of pictures. They were of Liam an I when we were little. I began to go through them and I didn't even notice the tears falling. Eventually there were pictures that I had sent him while he was away. I looked happy. Most were before bo. But a couple of them were ripped. I turned them around to see my sprawled hand writing.

-bo and lily 2012-

The same was written on the next five pics. All torn down the middle.

My vision went as the tears began to become heavier. I dropped the photos and threw the box across the room spilling the rest of its contents.

I began to sob as the pictures scattered.

I was angry. Why was I so stupid to believe in bo. For believing in myself.

I took the box nearest to me and chucked it across the room. My sobs became louder and the tears continued to fall. My arms were weak and my stomach clenched. I hadn't eaten since yesterday morning. I couldn't see from the tears,

I clamped my eyes shut breathing a deep shaky breath. Hoping it would calm me down. My fists clenched shut as I exhaled. But my emotions caved as I began to whimper. Cries escaping my lips. I saw a picture of bo ripped down the middle in the mass of scattered photos. I ran towards it but lost my balance and stumbled to the floor. I felt a sharp pain on my arm and leg. It stung as I lied my body shaking. The tears were endless. Supplied by my ocean of worries.

I sat up and examined my arm and leg through my tears. Blood seeped through the cuts that were made by a broken picture frame.

I began to shake violently. Loosing control over my thoughts and body.

The pain in my cuts grew as memories warped my brain and then the shaking stopped and the room went black.

I woke up dazed. My cheeks warm and the blood dried. I winced as I ran my Hands along the cuts

My hand shook unsteady. I couldn't stop it. I fought back tears.

My phone went off And

I frantically searched for it. I found it just as the ringing stopped.

6 missed calls from Liam.

It was now 10. I had no idea how long I had been out for.

The phone buzzed again in my hand as I quickly answered it. "Hello" I spoke trying to sound normal.

"Oh my god. Lily! Are you ok!? Why didn't you answer!?"

"I was sleeping" I answered nonchalantly.

Lie.

"Oh" he sighed. "That's good. How are you feeling love?"

"Great" I lied running my hand along the cuts.

"Still tired?"

"Yeah a bit" I winced

"I love you"

"I know"

" are you sure you're fine? I can be there by the morning if you're not. It's ok just tell me baby."

"I'm fine liam" I sighed

Lie.

"I love you. Goodnight. Call me tomorrow. Only one more night love!"

"Bye Liam. Love you."

I hung up and sunk to the floor.

I stared straight ahead.

There was pictures and boxes strewn across the floor. Blood dried into the carpet along with broken glass. But I didn't move.

My hand continued to shake.

I gripped it with my left hand but it continued to fidget.

I clenched my jaw letting go of my hand as a single tear fell down

It was dark outside.

I felt cold. Frozen like stone.

I am not ok

Fact.

I ruin lives

Fact

I am a burden

Fact.

I am only hurting Liam

Fact.


	11. Chapter 11

They say when you go into a state of shock that you may pass out. That for a while everything shuts off. Your mind goes blank ad you feel empty.

I felt full.

I felt content.

Everything was fine, black and no thoughts.

But when I came too I realized the actual effects of what happened.

It's starting again.

I should have Been more aware. I'm so stupid for thinking I could ever get better.

Te shaking. The sleepless nights. The thoughts that haunt my every move.

They are all back.

They've put a lease on my brain and don't plan on leaving any time soon.

I'm not sure how to go about everything. The cuts are scaring but they still sting. They are small and scattered on my arms and legs. Most of the small ones have healed. But there are a few larger ones that are still cunningly present.

I feel ok for not eating in three days.

I am cutting an apple. I drop the slices into a bowl. Eating just one before sprinkling some lemon juice so they won't brown and placing the bowl in the fridge. I head back to the counter and too quickly attempt to grab the knife and put It into the sink. I grab it on the wrong end and wince as the blade digs into my palm. I drop the knife letting out a gasp.

Shit

I pick up the knife turning it over and over in my hand that was just cut. Blood seeps from the wound.

If I were to do this again I'd have to be careful. Liam can't see.

Nor can zayn.

They don't understand. I want to have control again. This is the one thing I have control over. This and my eating. I want to have control.

I'm sick of people trying to 'fix me'

I can't be fixed.

I am broken

Fact.

But I want help

Lie.

Well. I want Liam.

But I don't want to hurt him more than I already have.

It isn't fair

But this is something I would have control over. Something I can feel and look at and know. That I did it. No influence from other's decisions.

I raise the knife from my hand and raise my shirt. I hold the blade against my skin on my left hip. Low enough for people to not see. My hand shakes as the blade digs into the rough skin.

One strike. Two. Now three for good luck. A fourth one for bo. And a fifth one for good measure.

I lay the knife in the sink before continuing cleaning up the pictures. I don't look. Just throw them all into a box. The blood has been cleaned off the carpet and the glass thrown away.

I grab a baby carrot and munch on it as I walk up the stairs. I feel tired for the first time.

No thoughts on my mind for the first time.

I take off my shirt and replace my bra with just a sports bra.

I look into te mirror.

It's not that I think I am obese

But rather that I don't feel healthy.

Also when I decide not too eat. I am deciding it.

When things got better last year it was because people told me how to be and act. Medicine told me to be happy and Liam's mum told me when to eat. Liam never knew.

Now he does And I regret telling him.

I regret it because he'll want to 'fix me' but you can't 'fix me'

I am not worth the pain. I contemplate this as I run my hand along the cuts and wince.

I lay down and drift into sleep. I wake in the middle of the night wide awake.

Figures.

I check my phone and see it's 4am. Well I was foolish to think I would actually sleep the night.

Just as foolish to think that I was actually happy.

That I was content

Liam being away reminded me that I'm so fragile. I hate that I'm so easily influenced

I desire control over my own thoughts and body.

LIAM POV

My leg shook as the plane descended. The constant bouncing keeping me same and regulating my breathing.

Lily the last few nights didn't sound all there. I hope she's ok. Zayn took notice to my leg staring at it before hitting my arm I turned to face him.

"Dude chill"

"Sorry" I mumbled stopping my leg. .

"She's fine" zayn whispered.

"But what if he's not" my voice cracking as a lump in my throat grew. I began to shake my leg again steadying my breathing. Tears tried to fall but I stopped them holding zayn's stare.

"What if this trip was too long and too soon. I can't bear to handle if anything" my voice shook and anger built inside me.

"I swear anything if anything happened zayn i...i...I don't know what I'll do..."

"I know" zayn smiled reassuringly. The plane thumped and I looked out the window to see we were on the ground.

The second we were allowed I was up as running out the plane.

"Liam!" Zayn shout after me. But I kept running.

I bounced on the balls of my feet waiting to see my luggage come around

Come on come on.

Finally grabbing my luggage and murmuring apologizes to the people I was hitting to get through I ran for the taxi. There were flashes but I was smart enough to wear my sunglasses. Still paparazzi could be a bitch.

I threw my bags into the trunk of the car waiting and slammed the door behind me, sliding In, and pressing the gas down hard.

Once away from the airport I fiddled with the seatbelt till i heard it click and continued driving down the curving roads.

I pulled into the drive throwing the car into park before hopping out. I grabbed my suit case and dragged it to the door. She's fine I told myself over and over. But I don't know. Something just felt like I needed I be there now. And as my keys weren't working in the door my frustration grew. Finally the door clicked an I threw it open throwing my luggage to the ground and slamming the door shut.

I kicked my shoes off as I locked the door behind me.

"LILY!?" I cried out running up the stairs.

"It's me. Liam." I tried but still no response.

"Lily? Lily?" I yelled still frantically searching the house for her. I went to my room and stopped in the doorway.

"Lily..."I whispered

My voice sounded small like how she looked.

She was curled up on the bed the blankets every which. Her body exposed, her pale skin glistening from the dim sunlight that caught through the curtains.

I walked closer to the bed, quiet, afraid to wake her.

The closer I got the deeper my heart sank. I noticed the reddening of the cuts on her arms. Her shirt was hitched up and i could see the perfect straight fresh cuts. To perfect to be inflicted on accident.

"Oh lily" I sighed.

She fidgeted in her sleep. I didn't want to wake her because she doesn't sleep much, but I just wanted to hold her.

To make it all stop. To wipe away the tears ad blood shed.

Make every thing better to be her woody.

I ran my hand over my head. Jesus what am I gonna do.

I took off my shirt and jeans pulling on a pair of sweatpants from my drawer. I took out my phone and carefully took a picture of her hips where te cuts were. I sent it to my mom.

.dont want to alarm you. Please keep this on the down low but I came home and she was sleeping and I just don't think these were an accident what should I do xx .

I put my phone on the headboard above me and climbs into bed next to her. At first I just lied there and stared at her. This beautiful girl lying next to me. How come she can't see what I see. I wish I could show her. So many things have gone wrong I want to be something right for her.

"We're in deep shit lily" I whispered.

I kissed her forehead then wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled myself closer to her. After a little bit she curled next to me. Her cheek pressed against my chest. I rubbed circles on her cheek with my thumb. I just want everything to be ok.

I kissed her forehead again as a tear escaped. "Oh lily. Dearest lily. Why?" I begged.


	12. Chapter 12

Lily's POV

the nightmare ended and was replaced with a sweet bliss. I was no longer running. i was faced in a room with nothing in it. it was quiet and no thoughts ran through my head. I felt calm. like nothing could hurt me. I felt safe and secure. I didn't want the feeling to go away. but with all good things, there comes an end. I woke up when the warm feeling left me. it wasn't abrupt, but as I slowly became aware to my surroundings I could tell I was in bed. I sat up running a hand through my hair. as I lifted my arm I winced as pain rushed through my arm. I pushed the thought away as I got off the bed. liam would be home today. as I scaled down the stairs I felt a pain in my legs. once again I pushed away the thought when I heard Liam's voice.

"she hasn't woken up yet. no, I'm not sure "

I figured he was talking to one of the boys.

"but I'm here this time. maybe I can stop it from happening again" he pleaded. who was he talking too and about what. letting what not start again?

I waited for him to end the call and head into the kitchen. he was at the stove waiting for his water to boil. I came up behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist. at my touch he flinched but eased. I laid my head on his back breathing in his scent. cherishing his warmth. "morning" he said grabbing my hands. "you want some?" he asked.

I nodded into his back. once he finished making the tea I let go and he turned to face me with two mugs. a big smile formed on his face causing me to smile too "do I get a kiss for this?" I smiled as I leaned forward. he held the mugs to the side as he leant down to meet his lips with mine. it was short but it was like a fresh breeze. it woke my up and left me wanting more. he smiled handing me my mug. he flicked his head back suggesting we leave the kitchen. I followed him to the porch. it was chilly but, doable. liam sat on the bench and I cuddle next to him. my legs draped over his lap, my head nestled into his chest. his war, around me for support. we sat in silence and drank our tea.

I looked into my mug hoping it would give Me something to talk about. liam kissed my head before taking another sip. his hand ran circles on my arm. "how was the trip" I mumbled.

"it was good" he replied taking another sip.

it wasn't that this was an awkward silence. it just felt like neither of us knew what to say next.

"how about you? how are you?" he asked. his voice sounded unsure. like he didn't want to offend me with the question. was I OK ? no, of course not. but I how do I answer that question effectively?

"I'm good" I tried. I didn't want to see his response so I stared straight ahead. he let out a breath. like he was gonna say something but then stopped. I quickly sat up and left to put my mug in the sink.

I placed the mug down carefully. I looked in the sink and the memory of just last night flashed through my mind. I clenched my eyes shut. stop it. stop. my mind raced as I ran my hand through my hair. I pulled on my hair but nothing happened. I flung my other hand to my head. my hands held onto my hair tightly. stop. stop it. I begged the movie in my bead to cut short but it wouldn't. "please" I whimpered.

Liam's POV

"how about you. how are you?" I asked her hesitantly. I was not sure if I would be able to get her to open up. and I didn't want to make her. "I'm good" she answered. but it was fake. I could tell the words were forced. she wasn't OK. but I couldn't let this happen. I'm here Now. I opened my mouth to tell her but nothing came out. she sat up and left to put her mug away. I took the last few sips of my tea before heading inside. she stood over the sink. her hand trembled next to her. she ran her hand through her hair. then in the blink of an eye, she held her head in her hands. she was shaking. I sat the mug down and quickly walked over to the sink. her eyes were shut tight. I could tell she wasnt OK. 'stop make it stop' she begged. I quickly turned her to face me but her hands pull led at her hair as tears fell. "stop. stop it'" she shook with fear. I pulled her hands down and wrapped my arms around her pulling her close. "shhhh. shhhh. baby. I'm here" I whispered wiping away her tears. her arms relaxed as she whimpered "please".

we stood their for a few minutes before she finally opened her eyes. they found mine, but they looked scared. "liam, I'm so sorry" she frowned. "no don't be" I smiled wiping away any remaining tears.

"I'm sorry I screwed up" she choked out shaking her head.

"what do you mean?" I asked.

she bit her lip as she looked everywhere but at me. like she was searching for a way out. I placed my finger under her chin tilting if slightly. forcing her to look at me. "I love you" her eyes flickered away. "I love you. nothing will change that"

Lily's POV

his eyes locked with mine. his tone showed that he meant it. but not after i told him. he is going to be so disappointed.

"that's a weak promise"

"no its not" he fired back.

"forever is a long time. people can't stay perfect form that long" I retorted.

"you listen here," he whispered. "I love you end of story" his lips cascaded onto mine. his hand wrapped around my neck as his other found my hip. "liam" I mumbled between kisses.

he reluctantly pulled away his hands stayed in place. we were inches from each other. "I'm a mess. I'm so ugly. and I am a horrible girlfriend" the tears came and my head sunk, I couldn't bare to see his face. "I mess everything up. i m then reason people leave. you're gonna leave too!" I cried out. "I hurt people. I am a burden! that's why people leave. just like you left. just like all my boyfriends. I caused bo not to love me anymore. because I am a burden! no one, no one wants to deal with someone damaged!" I shook with fear but liam just held me in his arms. "you are not a burden" he whispered into my hair. I shook my head "I'm broken and people can't fix me. they try but it doesn't work and so they get tired of trying. they leave" I cried into his chest. he leant down and placed his forehead against mine. he took in deep breaths. I could tell he was trying not to yell.

"you want to yell Liam" I whispered. "I don't want to feel so fragile, yell at me! it won't hurt me"

he stepped away and paced back and forth. he suddenly stopped and turned to face me the vein in his neck was popping out. "is that why you did it!" he half yelled. I didn't answer.

he threw his hand behind his head rubbing his neck. "because you wanted to feel the brake!?"

"partly" I whispered.

"explain!" he yelled now. "explain to me why you would do that! why didnt you tell me!?" hurt filled his voice.

"I did it on accident. the bruises and cuts I can explain. the only ones in self-inflicted were on my waist." I raised my shirt to show him.

"when i got better liam. it wasn't because of me. it was because i was told when to eat. when to feel happy. when to feel loved. if you asked me why in left bo, it was because i screwed up. he loved me, but i didnt love him. that's why he hit me. I was so scared that he would leave me. so I told myself I didn't love him. that's why he hit me. he knew. and then all the guys after him, they told me that bo left because I was too ugly. and they were right. in was ugly. and now I'm not sure what's going on. my head constantly tells me I'm wrong. and I can't see what's right. I thought I was OK when you came back. but the minute you left the thoughts came back. when I cut I have control. I made the choice to do it. not anyone else. i want control over my thoughts over my body. that's why I do it."

I looked up to see liam on the other side of the room. he had stopped pacing. tears stained his cheeks. I wanted to hold him. tell him I'm sorry he had ton know. "you can leave if its too much. I'm I used to it" I turned around to go sit outside.

"wait" he croaked.

suddenly he was in front of me. tears still brimmed his eyes.

"I will not leave, and neither will you"

"liam!" I cut him off

"no."he begged. "I refuse to lose you!"

I hated to see him cry.

"I love you so so much. and you don't even fucking know because of that bastard bo! he didn't love you. don't you ever think that he did. love is when you stick around no matter how hard it gets. love is when you cherish the other not being them down! I sucked at showing you real love when I left. I'm so fucking sorry for that but'" he let out a shaky breath and ran a hand over his eyes before continuing.

"but I will do every thing I can to make it up. if you ever leave me I will literally die "

"liam don't" he cut me off.

"I'm serious lily. with out you I can't sleep. I can't think! I love you so much. please know that I do!"

I reached my hand out to grab his. "I know liam" I whispered

"I want to help. I want to be there for you. I can't give you control but I can help. stop shaking your head' I can god damn try!"he yelled. his grip on my hand tightening. my lips quivered as I cried. he pulled me into his chest.

"you gotta let me help baby. I'm your woody" he breathed. then my body caved and I began to sob. I felt as if I couldn't hold myself up anymore. suddenly I felt sick.

Liam's POV

I held her in my arms and cried. I should have known. I kissed her head again and again. I wish I could kiss awaythr blood, the tears. she pushed herself away slightly. I looked down.

"I think I'm gonna be sick" she mumbled.

then she ran to the bathroom and I followed. I held her hair as she emptied what little food was inside her. I rubbed her back till she sat up. I let her hair down and grabbed s cup of water from the sink I flushed the toilet as she rinsed her mouth. "when was the last time you ate?" I asked helping her up.

"I dont know"she stammered.

"let's get you some soup and you can tell me about the other cuts?" she nodded and walked towards the kitchen. I put the soup on the stove and walked over to her at the table. I took her face in my hands and I kissed her with all I could. as did she. when we finally pulled away i sat down next to her. "why'd you do that?" she asked.

"to show you I loved you. to show you I care. and to remind you you're not alone "

she gave me a small smile, and that was something.

"so the other stuff, how'd the get there?" I asked.


End file.
